


the immensely inevitable (or, the ba text kitchen)

by wellhellofuture



Category: Chef RPF
Genre: 5 + 1, BATK as told through text, Bon Appetit Test Kitchen RPF - Freeform, Brad and Claire are oblivious, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:28:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21722935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wellhellofuture/pseuds/wellhellofuture
Summary: Five times the BATK chefs talked via text and one time they didn't.
Relationships: Brad Leone & Claire Saffitz, Brad Leone/Claire Saffitz
Comments: 10
Kudos: 46





	the immensely inevitable (or, the ba text kitchen)

**Author's Note:**

> So. Lot to unpack here in the notes. First of all, this was born because I couldn't get the idea of Hunzi complaining to Vinny about editing out of my head, so here we are.
> 
> Second, a word about how to read this fic: every section is a conversation between 2-3 people. Their names are bolded, italicized, underlined, or kept in plain text (in the heading of the section) to identify them. For example, if Brad's name is italicized, the text that is italicized is his messages.
> 
> Third, the first section is very much inspired by the clip in "Brad and Claire make Sourdough Donuts" pt. 2. I'd highly recommend you watch it so you can understand the feel I'm going for in part 1. However, obviously, what I've written is not verbatim what happened in the video.
> 
> Fourth, if anyone's been around the glee fandom, you've probably heard of Little Numbers by knowitainteasy. It's written entirely in text messages and a little bit of phone call. This fic relied heavily on that for inspiration on how to write and structure the body of this piece, as well as syntax for better understanding, so thanks to knowitainteasy for the resource. go check that out if you like Klaine!
> 
> Finally, most importantly - this is FICTION. RPF is nice, but not real, and please respect that. Don't go sharing and don't make things weird. (Also, sadly, the cat is not Felix. It's a random cat I found on Google linked to a HuffPost article, found here: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/cat-wine-apollo-peak_n_57631e82e4b015db1bc8c911?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAADuP0b4kOlTZzAQqdr48AApAcV_1TKrAsQkStL6Xmh2pX2ypUW14Vd4WeABlLvraeP7F5r4LiE4XXhD6R1Hd0aODnM1cP0ML81DFqTxXib0iaXoUQS8R3Ayz2OL15q88jBj1MP8L3zSS-b-mUIBmBrATViNzfawkzRCdIirA0LEE.)
> 
> Phew. That was a lot. Enjoy!

1\. Someone** unknown** plus Molly and _Brad_, September 2018

[**12:43 pm] REDACTED**

...

[6:27 pm] thought it was really interesting how your phone went off today during our vid

[6:28 pm] you got all antsy

_[6:31 pm] well, i mean. you remember ——._

[6:32 pm] duh. she text you a lot?

_[6:34 pm] sometimes_

[6:36 pm] LOL uh huh

[6:37 pm] you mean all the time

_[6:39 pm] idk _

_[6:41 pm] she’s workin freelance now. tests her ideas on me sometimes_

[6:41 pm] oh yeah?

_[6:44 pm] don’t make it weird mols_

[6:47 pm] i’m not making anything weird! just think it’s funny

[6:48 pm] what’s she up to these days?

_[6:49 pm] well, she’s got her book she’s workin on. mostly pies and cakes, i think, but some other stuff too. _

_[6:49 pm] she’s been doin a lot of interviews_

_[6:50 pm] she showed me on FaceTime how she’s painting her cabinets _

_[_ _6:51 pm] she’s taken some jobs curating menus too_

_[6:53 pm] i think she’s doing too much. _

_[6:55 pm] d’you think people would wanna go out next friday for her menu debut?_

[6:56 pm] ….yes brad

[6:57 pm] i don’t think you’ll have any issue getting people to want to come cheer —— on

_[6:57 pm] fantastic_

[6:58 pm] or to watch you do it

_[7:04 pm] seriously, it’s not like that_

[7:05 pm] sure

_[7:08 pm] great now you’re siding with them too_

[7:10 pm] them who?

_[7:11 pm] literally everyone_

[7:13 pm] that doesn’t make any sense, brad

_[7:16 pm] you don’t make any sense _

_[7:16 pm] i’m going to bed_

[7:18 pm] sweet dreams, lover boy

\-----

2\. Carla and **Claire**, October 2018

[11:03 am] Hey! I heard the good news! Can’t wait to have you back in the kitchen, it hasn’t been the same without you.

**[11:04 am] Aw thank you! I missed you guys.**

[11:06 am] Has your break been good? Give you some rest?

**[11:07 am] It's been great! Just what I needed. **

**[11:08 am] Really quiet, though.**

[11:11 am] Too quiet?

**[11:13 am] I never thought I’d say this, but I honestly missed being interrupted like every five minutes.**

[11:14 am] Yeah, once you get used to Brad you never go back.

**[11:14 am] Not just Brad! You and Chris and Andy and Molly**

** [11:14 am] Rick too **

**[11:14 am] And ohmigod, Christina **

**[11:15 am] Even though we get brunch every other week.**

[11:18 am] He missed you too, just so you know.

[11:19 am] I mean, we all did, but he just wasn’t the same. You should’ve seen the look on his face when your text came in saying you were coming back.

**[11:23 am] Carla, don’t.**

[11:25 am] Don’t what, honey? Tell you the truth?

**[11:33 am] I really can’t deal with that right now.**

[11:37 am] We know, babe. He does too.

[11:39 am] But for what it’s worth? You’re both putting yourself through hell for no reason.

**[11:42 am] Look, Carla, I know we look super close and everything when we film, I’m not blind, but we’re really just friends. Brad’s a great friend and I want to keep it that way.**

[11:43 am] If you need to tell yourself that to come back, I’m all for it. Just know we all want you to be happy, Claire. That’s all. Especially him.

**[11:46 am] Thanks, Carla. That means a lot. **

**[11:49 am] See you tomorrow night at the menu launch?**

[11:51 am] Wouldn’t miss it!

\-----

3\. _Brad_ and **Claire**, February 2019

_[7:48 pm] whaddya doin tonight, half-sour?_

**[7:53 pm]**

_[7:55 pm] takin’ advantage of felix, huh, saffitz? didn’t take ya for that kinda girl, specially not on valentine’s day _

**[7:56 pm] He’s just holding my glass for me. Reds are better warm anyway. **

_[7:57 pm] of course _

_[7:57 pm] anything more exciting than wine and cats planned? _

**[7:59 pm] No…? Why? **

_[8:01 pm] that art theater by your place is having a noir night, saw a sign on the subway. thought ya might wanna know _

_[8:01 pm] i know those are your type_

_[8:02 pm] starts at 9_

**[8:03 pm] Oooh really?!!?!?!? Are you going? **

_[8:04 pm] i’m still in town, was thinking about it. meet me there? _

**[8:07 pm] Poor Felix. He’ll be all alone tonight. **

**[8:08 pm] I’ll leave the wine. Maybe it’ll make him feel better. **

_**[**8:10 pm] see ya soon, claire_

**[8:11 pm] ** **Can’t wait! **

\-----

4\. Hunzi and Vinny, April 2019

[12:08 pm] they’re doing it again

[12:23 pm] what are they working on now? 

[12:23 pm] frustrating isn’t it? 

[12:24 pm] i warned you

[12:24 pm] that’s one part of the job i don’t miss 

[12:30 pm] brad was supposed to make popcorn seasoning

[12:31 pm] couldn’t even get his shit in the dehydrator before being all “where’s claire, what’s she working on, someone should warn her”

[12:34 pm] HOW CAN THEY NOT SEE IT

[12:37 pm] literally everyone else does, i know. 

[12:46 pm] omfg

[12:46 pm] “let’s go find claire”

[12:48 pm] i should just sit them down in front of my computer and make them watch this

[12:53 pm] they’ll still deny it 

[12:56 pm] he’s litERALLY MAKING THE HEART EYE EMOJI FACE

[12:57 pm] if you want to save your sanity, keep them separate on camera. took me a while to realize that 

[1:00 pm] rapo wants them together, though. ppl go nuts for them

[1:04 pm] but he’s not behind the editing desk. gonna drive yourself nuts trying to piece together a vid from salvaged footage. 

[1:09 pm] i.e. footage without the two of them being the lovesick dopes they are

[1:12 pm] yeah yeah

[1:13 pm] kinda makes me sad tho

[1:15 pm] it’s definitely hard on the psyche 

[1:16 pm] at least they deserve each other

[1:16 pm] stubborn and blind and completely in love 

[1:22 pm] ain’t that the truth

[1:25 pm] i’m gonna have to buy a new external hard drive for all this unusable footage

[1:26 pm] don’t know how you did it dude

[1:28 pm] best of luck, my friend. 

[1:33 pm] drinks next week?

[1:35 pm] you’re on 

\----

5\. Christina, _Molly_, and Andy, August 2019

[3:24 pm] Okay gang, we have got to stage an intervention. This is getting out of hand.

_[3:25 pm] omg did you see how he followed her everywhere last week_

[3:24 pm] *emphasizes a message*

[3:25 pm] wholeheartedly agree. i’m all about a slow burn but enough is enough 

[3:26 pm] Watching them for the past TWO YEARS has been the slowest of all slow burns

_[3:27 pm] ok so what’s the plan_

_[3:27 pm] can we just lock them in the TK for like 12 hours till they crack _

[3:27 pm] *loves a message*

[3:28 pm] no we need something subtle or else one of them will catch on 

[3:29 pm] Will they though? I feel like they’re too busy staring into each others’ eyes to notice anything

_[3:31 pm] what are the odds we convince rapo to send them on a trip together again_

[3:32 pm] ugh no i wanna see it happen

[3:26 pm] One of us just needs to go ask Matt for all the footage he’s got backed up because you KNOW he’s got it

[3:27 pm] Make them watch it together

[3:29 pm] Can you imagine how red Claire would get and how Brad wouldn’t get it until he finally did

_[3:32 pm] *emphasizes a message* _

_[3:32 pm] yes yes yesyesyes_

[3:33 pm] you know he’d give it to us too

[3:34 pm] he’s gotta be going insane with all the editing

[3:26 pm] Have you seen how late he leaves sometimes? Mans is overworked

_[3:29 pm] ohmigod genius _

[3:30 pm] so we get hunzi’s footage 

[3:31 pm] make them watch it

[3:31 pm] what if they’re still blind idiots after 

[3:33 pm] Honestly, would not put it past them

_[3:34 pm] we need to get more devious_

_[3:25 pm] get all parent trap on em_

_[3:26 pm] i vote we write fake love notes to each of them _

[3:27 pm] ooooooh 

[3:30 pm] Hear me out, what if we plan a big group dinner but everyone purposely cancels so it’s just the two of them

[3:31 pm] Somewhere nice and romantic

[3:32 pm] i saw that in a movie once 

[3:32 pm] totally worked 

_[3:33 pm] totes down _

[3:35 pm] Powwow with Carla, Rick, and Morocco tomorrow? They’re as sick of it as we are

[3:37 pm] *likes a message*

_[3:37 pm] *likes a message* _

[3:38 pm] we got this, fam

_[3:39 pm] for the TK !_

[3:41 pm] FOR OUR SANITY

\-----

\+ 1 _Brad_ and **Claire**, September 2019

**“Hey, Brad, tell everyone I’m so sorry I’m late - I’m on my way. Like, twelve mins, I swear.”**

_ “No worries, Half-Sour! No one else’s here yet.” _

**“Oh, good. I hope they come soon, I’m so excited to try this new place out. I heard it’s great.” **

_“Huh?...Oh, right, me too.” _

**“…You okay, Brad? You seem distracted.”**

_“I - yeah, yeah, ‘m fine.” _

**“What's going on?” **

_"'S nothin'."_

**"Brad. C'mon."**

_“Look, I - I been here by myself too long, got here like twenty minutes ago to make sure we had a spot in line..._ _And I just been thinkin’, been wonderin’, if ya - if we - if we were ever gonna talk about Denver.”_

** “…Brad.” **

_“Yeah, I know, we said that - we said it was just once, but I…Claire, I don’t think I want that.” _

***sigh* “Brad, there’s…what do you want, then?”**

_ “Ain’t it obvious?” _

**“…” **

_“It’s you, babe. Pure ’n simple. Always has been, always will be.” _

**“I don’t - I don’t know how…” **

_“Sure ya do. Denver was a trial run.” _

**“Denver was insane!”**

_ “No, babe. Denver was pretty freakin’ awesome if ya ask me.”_

** “It would change everything. That’s why we decided - what we did.”**

_ “Don’t have to.” _

**“Huh?” **

_“Don’t have to change everything. Well, not unless we want it to...Look, tell me this: Why’d ya do it, Claire?”_

** “What?”**

_“Why’d ya say yes? To me, to Denver, all of it.” _

**“…What do you want me to say? That I had one too many drinks and couldn’t stop thinking about you…like that?”**

_ “I want you to be honest.” _

**“...I said yes…because in that moment, all I wanted was you.”**

_ “In that moment, huh?”_

** “What’s that supposed to mean?”**

_ “It was all I’d wanted for a *really* long time.”_

** “Brad…” **

_“Still want it, too.”_

** “I can’t - we can’t -“ **

_“Sure we can. Ya trust me, Saffitz?”_

**“….yes.” **

_“Hi.” _

**“Hey.” **

_“Kinda feels silly, talkin’ on the phone when you’re standin’ right in front of me.” _

**“Brad - I - "**

_“Do we really need to go to dinner?” _

**“Can we…will you…home?” **

_“All ya had to do was ask.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Again, remember the rules of RPF club.
> 
> If this was hard to understand, leave me a comment or message me on tumblr and I'll make some changes.
> 
> Finally, if you're only here to be negative - please leave. I wish I didn't have to say that.


End file.
